Wednesday, Feb. 8
Dear Diary,
Auditions for JK! are in five days. I should probably send an email letting them know I want to try out. I mean, I can’t just walk in there and expect them to let me audition. Who do I think I am? Dane Cook? Man, Dane Cook would kill at JK! He’d win the whole thing and not even have to audition. They should get him for FNL too. Wait – what was I talking about?
-Sent the email. Decided against signing it “Dane Cook.”
Thursday, Feb. 9
Dear Diary,
Got an email back from the Student Activities Council guy in charge of JK! I have an audition. But nine other people do too, so I don’t feel very special. The email had the same automatic signature thing in it twice. I thought that was kind of funny. Maybe I should work that into my bit.
Friday, Feb. 10
Dear Diary,
I’m looking over the rules for my audition material. No sexual or drug references, no insensitivity to weight or gender issues and no “blatant disrespect for IWU.” No wonder these things are never funny. My favorite part is when the email asked me to refrain from “blatant language” including words like “cr-p” and “s-ck.” And since when do diaries get censored?
- P.S. Maybe Dane Cook wouldn’t do so well in JK!
Saturday, Feb. 11
Dear Diary,
I should probably start writing my script.
Sunday, Feb 12
Dear Diary,
Today I wrote my script, went to church, felt guilty about what was in the script; then rewrote it. I’ve been practicing my material on my girlfriend, who I believe is required by law to laugh at all the “funny” things I say. Not sure how reliable her positive feedback is. Winky face.
Monday, Feb 13 – Audition day!!!
Dear Diary,
It’s 1:30 in the morning, and I’m getting desperate and nervous. Bad combination. Seriously considering making all of my jokes about Taylor University, awkward couples and Overheard at IWU. Those things are funny, right?
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Sitting in class going over my script. No one beside me or behind me is trying to contain laughter, even though you know they have to be reading over my shoulder. This doesn’t look good.
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Thirty minutes until my audition. I’m more nervous than a Carmin girl waiting to get asked to Rebash.
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Just finished my audition. I think it went pretty well, except for that part in the middle when I completely stopped talking and stared awkwardly at the judges for 15 seconds. I just don’t think that was a good thing to do. But I did work a Dane Cook reference into my bit. Score.
Tuesday, Feb. 14
Dear Diary,
Checked my email at 6:30 this morning. Nothing. Getting impatient.
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It’s 10 a.m. Still no email, but one of the judges from last night came up to me in McConn and said, “Great job at auditions last night!” Translation: “You s-cked.”
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Emails that start out with the word “congratulations” are the best. Once I stop jumping up and down screaming like a 15-year-old girl at a Justin Bieber concert (or me at a Justin Bieber concert), I start a packed schedule that leads to a performance at JK! on Friday, March 23.
Three other comedians and I will compete for all the fame, honor and prestige this competition has to offer. I’ll let you figure out if the second part of that last sentence is a joke or not, but there will be plenty more where that came from at showtime.



